respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
