I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
