And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
