Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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