i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
