That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
