Three words: puerto rican gang bang
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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