"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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