Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
