There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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