so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
