just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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