He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
