just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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