Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
third nipple confirmed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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