I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
