Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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