I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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