I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
