They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
