i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?