i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?