i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!