lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?