I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.