I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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