there's paper in my vomit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
