Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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