I'm so fucking centered right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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