There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So many bounce houses so little time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
