Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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