My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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