If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
