I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
