being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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