Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
