DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's shark week go big or go home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.