you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she smelled like a LAN party
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving