Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me