im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.