I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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