I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
