god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How does one acquire holy water?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
