I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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