In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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