sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
