This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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