Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
