do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
