I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
