Screwed.edu
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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