I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
