she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
