nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
