You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
