is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
