So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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