Come see our sink grown plant.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
