Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
