I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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