its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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