Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
