just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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