So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize