so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My life is pants optional.
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