I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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