One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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