We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
