my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
