Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
