i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
