def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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