sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
