My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
