What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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