Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
