youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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