I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
