I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
