Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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