Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
