Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
