god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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