I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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