woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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