I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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