So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
