would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
