I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
