Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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