Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
