I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
