My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
