I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
